yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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