I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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