My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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