I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
