This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
