somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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