i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
