You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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