??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
