I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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