he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
