At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
