oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
