What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
