He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
