At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize