Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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