Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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