My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
