i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
