It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
