cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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