at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
