His pubic hair was longer than his dick
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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