turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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