it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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