I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
