Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize