Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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