Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
