Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
