I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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