and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
