alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
