shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
