God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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