I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
