Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
