I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
