Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize