Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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