The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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