I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
