His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
