i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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