the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
