Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You smell like stripper and shame
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
