babies were throwing up all over the place
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
