I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
