Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
