Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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