i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
