my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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