"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
