i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
