Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
