Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
