Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
