she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize