6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
