I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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