i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So squirting runs in the family.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
