the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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