I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize