By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
