i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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