1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
