how can u be prego again
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
