Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize