Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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