dude i'm inner monologue high
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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