I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
