How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
