I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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