Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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