Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
