I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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