I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am available for nakedness
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
