he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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