he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
