I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
