OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
