my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
