So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
