ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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