you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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