You can't motorboat a personality
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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