I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
