you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
