she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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