I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
