dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
