I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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