I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
