I will die if light touches me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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