hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
