I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
