I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I want to have your abortion
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
