she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
