I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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