why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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