So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
