he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
