I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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