I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize