just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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