yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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