After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
