The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
