You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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