I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
