Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
