tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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